Bad dates, the gatekeeper theory, and marilyn

Despite being on my deathbed, I woke up this morning because I had an appointment with Marilyn. So I got out of bed, threw on a different pair of sweats (trying to be classy), put my hair up and drove to my appointment. Sniffles and all. She asks me if when I get sick, I get sad. Putting two and two together, I tell her, why yes, I have been a little more sad this week than usual. Plus, I went out on this horrible, no good date the other night. All of these things combined have made me miss the "comfortableness" of being in a relationship. Being sick made me want someone to take care of me, which made me sad. Going out on an awkward, scary date made me want to be "comfortable" with someone.
We started talking about the awkwardness of dating. This forced situation where you are trying to get to know the other person in a short amount of time. Let me just give you some background. This guy wants to go out somewhere "casual". I'm cool with casual. I like casual. All day I'm asking him if he had somewhere in mind. He keeps texting me back with "how about somewhere casual and quiet so we can talk". I get it. Casual. I understand. BUT WHERE? So at around 5:30 pm, he throws out TGI fridays. Okay. I can do TGI fridays. I've only been there once, I don't have anything against it. I'm just thinking its an odd choice for a first date. I mean, if you're trying to impress someone. Casual yes, quiet not so much. I think it would be more acceptable if you wanted to go watch some sort of sporting event. But as usual, I decide to roll with it. I get there to meet him, and recieve a text, "it's really loud here, must be family night do you know of anywhere else". Okay, its Friday night at TGI FRIDAYS- what did you think it was going to be like... a library? Whatever, so I suggest bennigans. It's not classy, not quiet, but its casual and right by my house, and at this point I'm already over the whole date. So we go in to bennigans, sit down and order a beer. He starts firing questions at me like its i'm on Larry King. But not nice, getting to know you questions. Inappropriate first date questions. For example: "whats the most tragic thing you have ever seen while working at children's hospital?". This is not appropriate. Nor do I want to discuss the answer to this question. I tell him I don't want to talk about it. Then he looks at my tattoo and asks what it says, I reply "Strength". He asks me what I got it for. I said, i've had a hard couple of years and I wanted something to remind me that I was able to move forward. Immediately "what happened". AGAIN, not appropriate first date question. I told him I would rather not talk about it. He continued to probe. At this point, I had already gone to the bathroom and texted roomsky that I was not having a good time, she replied asking me if she wanted her, roomsky 2 (her bf kenny), and diana to come save me. I replied no. I'm a big girl, I can get myself out of this situation. So i'm sitting at the table, I order another beer. WHO rolls in? Rooms, rooms 2 and Diana, wasted none the less, sitting across the room at the bar. I can't control it, i'm biting my cheeks to stop myself from laughing. I go to the bathroom (again), and meet roomsky in there. We start busting up. I tell her i'm going to figure out a way to wrap this up. So I come back to the table and the guy continues asking me inappropriate questions, so I just start throwing everything you are not supposed to say on a first date out there. In no particular order: "I hate men, I'm still not over my ex-boyfriend, all men lie and cheat, I don't want kids, I never want to get married", I said all of these things. hah! Then I tell him I'm tired and want to go home. We walk out, I say it was nice meeting him (lie), go back to my apartment and get a text from him "I would have walked you to your door and chilled for awhile". REALLY? did you get that good of a vibe from me? Anyways you want to know what happens after something like that? You go back to bennigans to meet your drunk three amigos, spend a significant time at the waterfront, go to pure platinum strip club, head back to bennigans and end the night eating in'n'out (see picture). Well anyways, the moral of this story, and how it ties in with marilyn.
I tell her all of this, and tell her how I don't understand dating, don't like dating and ask her how i'm supposed to be meeting potential boyfriends if i work with 99% women and the remaining 1% of men are either a.married b.in a relationship c.gay or d.having sex with minimum 10 other girls in the same establishment and loving their lives. When you are in school and you meet someone in class or you work at a restaraunt with guys you spend time with them, get to know them a little bit, know that there is some sort of chemistry at least before you go to TGI fridays with them!
The gatekeeper theory: She says, go out and do things you enjoy. Well, Marilyn, that's the problem. I don't really know what I enjoy doing. I spent the last seven years of my life taking care of someone else's needs and going to school. So I know I like to do certain things, but I don't have a hobby. Marilyn says, just go out and do things. Do things that you enjoy doing, spend time figuring out a hobby. You are going to have to try a lot of different things, but eventually, you will figure it out. And her theory is that if you go do things you enjoy, you meet other people who enjoy doing the same things. Here it is....wait for it...even if you meet a woman. That woman may become your friend. And that woman may have another group of friends. And that group of friends may include men. And maybe that group of people may introduce you to another group of people and another group of people etc...until you may meet someone who you actually enjoy spending your time with because you have something in common (unidentified hobby). So I'm going to start opening myself up a little more when i'm out doing things that I enjoy, and I'm going to try to do more things that i'm not sure if i'll like, but I will give them a shot. Then maybe next weekend, I won't end up at pure platinum.