When you are going through a break up, here are the things that you hear most frequently: "Everything happens for a reason", "It was probably for the best", or my favorite "Time heals everything". People say these things to you because they don't know what else to say. Going through a break up for the most part, for most people, sucks ass. You feel like a part of you has died (this is especially true when you receive a SYMPATHY card from the mother of your ex- yes this is a true story), and even if the other person is a jerk, or has done something wrong and you are truly better off without them, it is still a big fat blow to your ego and unfortunately the simple fact that the other person doesn't love you anymore or doesn't want you, makes you WANT to be their other half even more.
So lets focus on "time heals everything". I heard this on a daily basis. "These things take time", "It will begin to get easier as time goes on" etc. Well, I'd like to give a big middle finger to time. When you are sad, lonely and/or lost, time is your worst enemy. All of the sudden, you have too much of it. Too much time to think, too much time by yourself, just too much. It goes by so slow, you don't know what to do with it. In my case, all I wanted to do to pass the time was sleep, and I couldn't sleep (insert four month addiction to ambien, I no longer abuse the substance I prefer melatonin). Also, when going through a breakup every single thing reminds you of the other person, which makes actually going out in public unbearable. Oh, there's the billboard that I used to pass when I was driving to his house. There's the street sign he punched once when we got into a fight, I used to drive on this freeway to get to his house. Or the more obvious ones such as restaurants, bars, stores etc. And let me tell you, when you spend six years with someone, there are a whole hell of a lot of things that remind you of the other person. So then you stay home, and there's we slept in this bed together, these sheets remind me of him, these tv shows and movies remind me of him, I used to wear this outfit all the time around him, I used to eat this kind of food with him all the time. SO basically, you can't eat, sleep, get dressed, watch any kind of entertainment, leave the house, drive in your car, go out in public without being reminded of the person who is making you feel miserable. So then what do you do? I sat a lot. Just sat. It was sad. Everyone knows that when you first break up, its not black and white and you still talk to that person once in awhile. Here's an example. I haven't called him in 1 day, six hours, 24 minutes and 3o seconds. Its probably okay for me to call him now. You call him, you either talk to him, and are more miserable. Or he doesn't pick up and you get pissed. And the countdown begins again. And you want a gold star because you waited 1 day, six hours, 24 minutes and 30 seconds before you called his sorry ass again. Well, time goes on- even if it feels like you are in one of those work dreams that keeps going and going and going. And slowly, you are able to get dressed, eat, and venture out of the house again. And when you do these things, you still get sad. But hey, at least you have something other than pj's on right? And then you start doing these things more and start enjoying yourself. You might get sad when you get home but for a small window of time you are having fun. Well, let me tell you how this pertains to sundays, sublime and sleep.
Today is Sunday January 11, 2010. Douchelord (thank you jen and courtney I now have a new nickname) and I broke up January 20, 2009. Today I woke up in my "bedroom" at jenn and adams house, went out to breakfast with beckels in OB, had mimosas, drove around in the sunshine listening to sublime (lindsay how you move so slllloooowwww), came home and took a really long nap with the cow. When I woke up, turned on the tv and started watching house, and thought to myself "I love sundays", immediately i thought, "whoa, I used to hate sundays". I hated sundays because no matter what happened on the weekend, sundays was our day together. Because when we broke up, I always wanted to call him on sunday. I hated sublime after we broke up because 40 oz to freedom was what douchelord had currently been listening to in his car when we broke up. I listened to sublime ALL DAY LONG, and thought to myself, why haven't I listened to this in a long time? I SLEPT ALL DAY LONG. I watched TV, I prepared and ate dinner. So, my point here. Is that it still hurts, im still sad, i still miss him sometimes. But.....I love sundays, sublime and sleep again. And it feels fantastic.
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